Half Moon
by DisasterInDaisyDukes
Summary: My version of New Moon. I'm sick of Bella being all zombie-like through most of New Moon, so I've changed a few things. On hiatus.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note:**

I started this story months ago, but then lost the paper with all my notes on. I haven't abandoned my Carlisle and Esme story, but this one is just begging to be written. It is essentially New Moon, but Bella isn't all weak and "oh, I can't live without Edward". Yes, Edward is the love of her life/existence, whatever, but there is no reason to go all comatose.

In my version, Edward has left. Of course. It starts just as she has coming back from going to the cinema with Jess. I'm just going to put the first chapter up first – I want to hear your thoughts before I continue, which means I need you guys to review.

I know this AN is going on for a while, but I needed to say some stuff. Anyways, the title is a working title. Yeah, I know "Half Moon" isn't that great, I'm just waiting for inspiration to strike.

**Disclaimer**: Stephenie Meyer owns all. Sadly.

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Charlie had told me to change, to snap out of my funk, to do something, or he was sending me home. What he didn't realise was that this damp place was my home. If I left and never came back, it would be hard to believe that _he _had never existed. Going out with Jess, although I had done it to spite Charlie, had made me realise I could go on with life without him. I wouldn't love again, not really, but I could laugh and have friends and spend time with my father.

I did try not to think about _him_, it hurt too much, but I had to wonder, what had made him change? Why didn't he love me anymore? Maybe if I had been different – prettier, funnier, smarter, more stylish, less clumsy – maybe he would have stayed.

Suddenly, I was angry. It was all _his_ fault. I wouldn't, I couldn't stop loving him, but the love I had for him had made me the zombie I was for the last four months. Well, what I meant was that I had let him make me the zombie I was now.

I didn't want to be that girl anymore anyway – _his_ Bella. It was time to change. But how could I stop myself being _that_ Bella?

He had always said that my hair was beautiful; he would kiss it, smell it, bury his face in it as we lay on my bed. It had to go. All of it. I got off the bed, carefully, and walked to the desk, where my scissors lay. I turned to face the mirror and tugged the brush through my hair, pulling the curls straight. I pulled the hair down with my left hand, the way the hairdresser did, and with my right, I picked up the scissors. I made a tiny cut, the way Paulo had always done in Phoenix. I sighed. If it did it that way, it would take forever.

So instead, I gathered my hair into a ponytail and held it between my finger and my thumb, at the nape of my neck. Slowly, I bought the scissors round, opening the jaw around the hair. And SNIP! My hair came off in hand. I looked at it, surprised. I didn't think I would actually manage to do it. But my hair was still to long. So I gathered it again. And SNIP! More hair came off. It was still to long. So I kept gathering and snipping and slowly, the girl I had been before slowly began to disappear. Not completely, but I could begin to recover.

As I cut, I cried. Tears swam before my ears, blurring my vision, making it impossible to see the mirror. Eventually, I dropped the scissors onto the floor, the handle catching my toe before it bounce to the floor, and collapsed onto my bed, where I slept until my screams woke me.

It was sunny, for once, when I woke. I showered, and dressed quickly. I was shocked momentarily at my lack of hair, before I remembered my cutting session last night. I like the shortness. Thanks to my shower, my curls had returned, and now the sprung from my head at all angles, without looking like an afro. They were softer and more twisted than the waves. I had had when my hair was long. Searching through my closet for some jeans reminded me of the second part of my plan. I needed some new clothes. His sister had always complained about my lack of style, but that was going to change.

I headed downstairs to grab some breakfast before work. To my surprise Charlie was there, forcing down a bowl of healthy cereal he had to eat to keep his cholesterol down.

"Bells!" he spluttered "What happened to your hair?"

My hand went up to my head "I cut it. Do you like it?"

"It's certainly different," he said, after scrutinising me for a minute, while I wandered around the kitchen, collecting a bowl and spoon for my own cereal. "Why the change?" he asked.

"I didn't want long hair anymore,"

"Well, you look really lovely with it like that, hun," Charlie looked down at his bowl, embarrassed at his confession.

"Thanks, Dad," We finished our cereal in silence, both aware that that had been the longest conversation we had had in a long time.

On the way to work, I stopped at the news stand and the bank. Thankfully, Mrs Stanley was busy with another customer, so that was one conversation I could avoid. The teller who gave me my balance was a friend of Charlie's, and didn't recognise me at first. She squawked when she realised who I was and told me she admired my "brave style choice".

For once, I actually enjoyed work. Mike was very complementary, and seemed to enjoy non-zombie Bella's company. He invited me to a movie night at his house that everyone seemed to be going to. Last week, I wouldn't have said yes, but I wanted to stay out of my house as much as possible, so I agreed. As I finished my shift, a family came in, a father and son arguing.

"I'm telling you Dad, this thing was huge. Way bigger than those bears we saw in Yosemite,"

"Sure, Owen. 'Course they were. Now can we focus? Ellen needs a new sleeping bag,"

"See you tonight, Mike!" I called over my shoulder as I left the store.

Charlie was out when I got home, and the house felt too quiet. I hunted around in my bag for the CD Mike had given me while I waited for my computer to load. It was a compilation, so it wouldn't be too bad, I decided. If the songs got too familiar, I would turn it off. I scanned the back. Katy Perry, The Beatles, Noah and the Whale, Cascada, September, The Ting Tings, were written in neat block capitals. Only one of the names was familiar, and there was just the one track from that band. I could skip it.

I sat down at the computer, and spent the next three hours carefully going through the magazines I had bought, looking at clothes that would suit my body shape and ordering them from various websites. New Bella was slowly coming together.

Carefully following the instructions of my magazine, I put together an ensemble I never thought would work, but when I stood back to look at myself in the mirror, I couldn't help but be pleased. I looked nothing like Old Bella.

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	2. Chapter 2

WOW. Okay, its been a long time since I updated because I have been sooooo busy with EVERYTHING. So okay here it is, a nice filler chapter while I hope for some real words to come.

Enjoy and REVIEW

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I drew up outside Mike's and checked my make up in the mirror. My small supply of make up that I had acquired from relatives who knew very little about me just about covered the basic necessities as dictated by one of my magazines. My truck must have announced my arrival because as I climbed out the cab, Mike opened the door, letting light spill out onto the dark driveway.

"Bella!" Mike waved at me from the doorway, enthusiastic as ever. I ran towards him, trying to avoid the rain that was pouring down around me. As I reached the door, we had that awkward, trying to move past each other, both going in the same direction thing. We ended with him backing into the hall and me falling over my shoes.

"Bella! Your hair looks amazing!" Angela came in from the sitting room "I love your outfit! You look so different!" She waved at me. We were not as close as we used to be, so she kept her distance. My outfit was my best jeans, turned up at the cuffs, with sneakers and some layered vests and a cardigan. It was hard to create the LA look in the rain.

"Thanks Ang," I was ushered into the sitting room, where I was introduced to a group of unfamiliar faces. I could make out Lauren, Tyler and Ben sitting on one of the couches but everyone else was new to me.

Someone passed me a bottle and I drank from it, without even realising what was in it. It was only after I had taken a few swigs that I realised it was beer. I drank it anyway, for something to do. It took away the awkwardness of the situation but it did mean that I wasn't following the movie, which was some lame action movie anyway. It wasn't until I got up to follow Angela to the bathroom and nearly fell on some girl called Kate that I realised how much I had had to drink. I didn't have good co-ordination at the best of times and having a lot of alcohol in system meant that I could barely stand up at all.

"Wow, Bella," she said "I didn't know you liked beer that much,"

"Neither did I," After I'd been sick a few times, a new experience for me, Angela sat beside me on the bathroom floor, not quite touching me.

"Are you feeling better now, Bella?" she asked.

"Yeah, I don't feel like hurling anymore," I tried for a slight smile.

"No, I meant, are you, y'know, better, better, now?"

"I'm not sure, its early days, early, early days," I chirruped, my words slurring.

"It's time for you to head home I think. Mike can drive your truck and then I'll follow behind to bring him back,"

I didn't remember much about the ride home, I think Mike ended up having to wrap his arm around my waist to keep me sitting up straight. It felt strange to have human contact – I couldn't remember the last time anyone had held me properly, or even touched me. Charlie was not one for physical contact and I in my zombie like state I hadn't been around anyone who would want to touch me.

Mike walked me to the door, and helped me unlock it. Charlie was asleep upstairs – the TV was off and I could hear him snoring.

"Night, Bella," I turned to Mike, and stumbled over my boots and fell into his chest. His arms snaked around my waist; his face was so close to mine; this was the closest I had been to anyone in a long time. Next thing I knew, Mike was kissing me. I didn't know what to do; the only person I had ever kissed was _him_.

"C'mon Bella," Mike murmured and kissed me again. I didn't want this; I wasn't ready, at all. I'd gone from no contact to hands under my shirt.....I was so confused. Eventually, I managed to push Mike away, and practically fell into the doorway, shutting the door in his face. All I could think that as I climbed up the stairs was that I was glad Angela couldn't see what had just happened from across the road.

I felt so horrible the next morning – it felt as though something had crawled into my mouth and died. I'd overslept, so I followed my late trend and dressed according to my magazines. I was glad my new clothes would be arriving tomorrow morning. As my computer searched for quick hangover cures, I put on some make up and chugged down a bottle of water.

By the time I reached school, first lesson was almost over. I signed in at the front office, and then headed back to the truck. I put Mike's CD into my portable CD player and tired to lose myself in the music. It had been so long since I had listened to music, luckily it was the kind of music I hadn't listened to before.

I left just before second lesson, so I was right on time for Calculus. I eased myself into my seat, the scraping of the chairs making the music induced headache worse.

"Morning, Bella!" Mike threw himself into the seat next to me and kissed me on the cheek. I froze.

"Mike, no, don't" I pulled away.

"C'mon, Bella," he pleaded, glancing to the front of the class, where the teacher was still setting up "We'd be great together, you and me. Think about it. I've liked you since I first met you and you could like me too, I know it, Bella, I know it,"

"No, Mike, no, it wouldn't work,"

"It will, it will" He spent the whole day like that, trying to persuade me that we were a good idea. I was glad when I could finally get home.

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	3. Chapter 3

I know. I'm a terrible person/author. I haven't updated in ages. I do have excuses which involve car crashes, exams and general laziness. I will try for this chapter and maybe another but that will be it until my exams are finished in June.

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Charlie wasn't back when I got home, but there were a large number of packages waiting for me on the porch step. I grabbed them and headed upstairs, kicking my boots off as I went. I put the parcels on the bed and carefully unwrapped each one, pulling apart the tissue paper. Inside were cardigans, sweaters, dresses, skirts, t-shirts and vests. There were shoes as well – boots, pumps, sneakers and one pair of heels. I pulled each item on, one after the other, until my floor was littered with clothes and there was just the packaging left on the bed.

There were little boxes too. They held necklaces, bracelets, rings, brooches and earrings. I didn't have my ears pierced though, but that could easily be rectified. Maybe Angela would come with me Port Angeles tomorrow after school; I didn't want to ask Jessica again.

I enjoyed playing with the clothes, for the first time ever. I didn't forget, at the back of my mind, why I had bought them in the first place. I caught sight of myself in the mirror – I was wearing a patterned dress, the heels I had bought and the woolly socks I used to fill my boots – it looked ridiculous, but the outfit was similar to what one of the models had been wearing in the magazines I had bought.

I changed into my sweats and I carefully hung up the new clothes in my wardrobe, avoiding looking at the floor of my cupboard and turned around to the desk. I turned around and looked at my desk. The magazines had been in a neat pile when I got home but I threw a cardigan in that direction and my poor aim knocked the pile over. I neatened the pile and picked up the first magazine. I rifled through it, looking at the examples of real beauty. Beauty with long blonde hair and freckles, beauty with deep tanned skin, beauty with big, green eyes. There were so many different types; I began ripping out the girls that I thought were the most beautiful. Soon I had got through the whole stack – it took me about an hour. I looked at the pictures I had in front of me and sorted through them carefully. I then stuck them up across my wall. Soon, hundreds of faces stared out at me.

These girls on my wall would never have been left, by the one they loved. They would have been strong enough to keep going, not like me; until last week I had been a shell of the Bella I once was.

"Bells?" I heard Charlie call – I hadn't heard him come in – I'd been so absorbed in my thoughts

"Yeah, I'm here," I called back

"Okay, well get ready, we're going to Billy's for dinner – we'll leave in about half an hour," I dressed in some black leggings, a ditzy print floral dress with a waist tie, a black blazer and some old Converse because most of the shoes I had bought were far too permeable for the rain that was currently beating against my closed window. I didn't look at the water stains on the floor from where my window had been left open so many rainy nights as I pulled my drapes across.

The car ride to La Push was quiet; Charlie seemed to be gathering his thoughts and I didn't feel like talking. The forest sped past, the rain creating patterns on the windows with my finger. I only realised that we'd arrived when Charlie opened the door, letting cold air and rain swirl into the car; I'd been so distracted by my window drawing that we'd reached Billy's house.

It was more familiar than I remembered. The small kitchen and living room where there was barely enough for Billy (in his wheelchair), Charlie and I.

"Where's Jacob?" Charlie asked. Jacob. I'd forgotten about him. I suddenly remembered how well we got on, and my inept attempts at flirting with him the last time I had been in La Push.

"He's out back. In the garage," Billy said, glancing towards the window.

"Bells, why don't you go out and see him," Charlie seemed to want to have a private chat with Billy, so I headed out the door. I stood on the back porch, looking for light from the garage. I could see it through the rain, outlining the trees and a little rough path. I followed it carefully, trying not to fall over and ruin my new clothes. As I got closed to the garage, I could hear someone whistling. I knocked one of the big blue doors – the other seemed to have fallen off its hinges and stood propped up against the wall.

"Hello?" A familiar voice called out "Who's there?"

I stepped into the light of the garage "It's Bella" Jacob stood up (_wow_ he was tall) and smiled. It lit up his whole face – he looked genuinely pleased to see me, which made a change; most people acted as though I wasn't there.

"How are you?"

"I'm fine, you"

"Pretty good. I assume Charlie and Billy sent you out here so they could have 'man talk'" He made quotation marks with his hands.

"You're pretty sharp," I'd forgotten how easy it was to talk to Jacob – he was like my brother; or a best friend I hadn't seen in a while. As we couldn't go back to the house, I hung out with Jacob in his garage. He was building a car, but he was working on his friend's motorbike, so I sat in the passenger seat with the door open and let him work. He talked about all sorts of things and I listened. He asked me things, but I just kept asking him questions, trying to avoid answering the ones he threw at me.

Then, a voice floating towards us through the rain "Jake! Jakey!" It was high, definitely a girl's voice. Jake, or Jakey, blushed. He pushed away from where he had been leaning against the car next to me - his head had almost been resting on my knees – to sit back near the motorbike, where he wiped the oil of his hands. "Jake?" The voice was querying now "You there?"

"I'm in here," he called back. He sounded almost resigned. Just then, one of the girls who belonged on my wall came around the door. She shook out a dripping, red umbrella, her perfectly made up eyes widening then narrowing when she looked at me and Jacob. As she folded her umbrella, I got a look at her outfit. She wore baggy jeans, rolled up at the hems with a pair of the pumps that I had vetoed 45 minutes earlier. On top, she wore a basic grey t-shirt under an oversized blazer, with a unicorn pendant and plaited belt.

"Hey," Jake said, easing himself up from the floor "I was wondering where my jacket had gone to," For some reason, his saying that made my stomach hurt. He leant in to give her a kiss, but she pulled away.

"Who's this?" she said, looking at me, folding her arms.

"This is my friend Bella Swan. Bella, this is my girlfriend, Holly,"

"Hi," I waved a hand in her direction "Nice to meet you,"

"Yeah. Whatever," she said, before turning to Jacob "Can I talk to you for a minute? _Alone_," she said, looking pointedly. I knew when I wasn't wanted.

"I'm going to go and check on Charlie and Billy," I said, and headed out the door. I could still hear their conversation, or at least, Holly's side of it.

"What the hell Jake? Who is she? And why are you alone with her? You know how I feel about it when you're alone with other girls. _I know what you're like Jacob_," the last part was practically shouted. I could hear it even though I was nearly at the house, which was when I heard part of another conversation that I didn't want to hear.

"……she seems to have snapped out of it, these past few days, but I if, or _when_ she is going to fall back into-" The porch step creaked as I stepped onto it, so all conversation ceased. I didn't need to ask who they were talking about.

"Hey Billy. Hey Charlie. You don't mind if I join you or a bit?" I said when I came into the kitchen.

"Has Holly arrived?" Billy asked. I nodded "I thought I heard her," I nodded again "Its good that you're hear Bella, dinner's just about ready," Charlie, who had been standing in front of the stove, passed me a steaming plate of pasta. "I'll call Jacob," Billy said "He won't turn down food – he headed straight to the garage as soon as he got in,"

I tucked into my spaghetti, not realising how hungry I was. Jacob arrived a minute or so after his father shouted his name. Holly was nowhere insight. Our conversation picked up where it had left off; it was 5 minutes before I realised Charlie was watching us intently.

We left later that evening, after hanging out with Jake for another hour. Again the car was quiet on the way home. Charlie just kept glancing at me.

The next morning, I dressed in my new clothes – woolly tights and sweater with a patterned skirt and some pale pink pumps. Mike met me at my truck and walked me to class, asking me about what I did last night. He questioned me quite closely about Jacob, but relaxed when I mentioned Holly. The day passed quickly; Angela and I made plans to go to Port Angeles on Friday night. She seemed to have forgiven me for the past few months, as had her boyfriend, Ben.

However, when I got out of school, Holly, of all people was waiting by my truck for me. She didn't look as well turned out and carefully put together as yesterday – her long hair was tied up in a messy bun, she wasn't wearing any make up and her eyes were red around the edges.

"Bella," she said "Let's talk," Mike and Angela looked at me, questions in their eyes, but I just waved at them and said "See you tomorrow," I turned to Holly "Okay, let's talk,"

She narrowed her eyes "I just thought you should know that Jake broke up with me. For you. And I want to know what you're going to do about it,"

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	4. Chapter 4

Yes, it's short, but it's the middle of my A level exams and I'm being really generous and I'm giving you not one but TWO chapters. Oooh yeah get me and my super fast typing skills.

Anyway enjoy and pleeeeeease review.

I've had some really good feedback recently and I would love to get some more.

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I stared at her opened mouthed. Literally. In fact, I'm pretty sure my jaw hit the sidewalk. I stuttered for a second as my thoughts skittered around my brain. Jake? Breaking up with _Holly_, model-esque, beautiful, Holly, for me? Sure she seemed a bit of a handful at times but still, I was nothing special.

"Well?" she said, tapping her foot "What have you got to say for yourself?"

"I don't know what to say," I said eventually "What Jake decides to do is up to him. I haven't spoken for about a year since before last night. And I don't like him in that way anyway,"

"Jeez, Bella," she said my name in two syllables Bell-_la_ "You know Jake's so into you. it's obvious,"

"Not to me," I said.

"Then you're blind. I know that your boyfriend dumped you and you're all cut up about it but there is no reason that you should go around stealing other people's boyfriends," This was really not a conversation I wanted to be having.

"I'm not sure you understand. I don't like Jake _that_ way. He's like a brother or a best friend, not a boyfriend,"

"That's not what he said," Holly said indignantly. Rain was beginning to fall and I really wanted this argument to end so that I could go home, start on my homework and forget all about the stares Mike gave me across the Biology lab.

"Look, I don't care what Jake said. I don't like him that way. At all. He's my friend, we hung out last night. That's it. I don't know how he feels but I definitely don't like him that way. You have to sort out whatever you two have got going on without you coming down here and yelling at me. I have to go home now; it's raining and I'm cold and wet," With my pathetic excuses, I pushed past her, climbed into the cab of my truck and drove away. I could see her standing by someone's Toyota as the rain got heavier.

Charlie was already home when I got there – his cruiser was parked in the usual spot – and I could hear him on the phone in the kitchen. I stormed upstairs, taking my anger out on my door. I slammed it so hard my coat hook fell off. I sat on my bed, clenching and unclenching my fists, trying to work out what to do. I tried to avoid thinking about _anything_ unless it was school work or what I was going to cook for dinner. This meant that I was thinking about something that could lead to me thinking about _other_ things, which was not good.

Jake didn't like me. I was sure of it. We were just friends. But even so, I didn't feel that way about him. There was only one person I wanted, needed, loved, but he didn't want me. And I _so_ wasn't going to think about him. Charlie knocked on the door then and poked his head around it, interrupting my reverie.

"Tough day Bells?" He asked. I nodded. If I opened my mouth I was pretty sure that I was going to scream "Billy and Jake will be here soon, and they're bringing pizza, so don't worry about cooking anything Bells," Panic shot through me and I clutched at my bedspread.

When I was what was going to come out of my mouth wasn't going to be some hideous noise I said "Jake and Billy? Coming here? Why?"

"They're our friends, Bella. What's the problem? You and Jake seemed to be getting along well last night,"

I decided honesty was not the best policy "Ummm…just lots of homework. They're being kinda heavy on us, what with it being senior year and everything,"

"Phew," Charlie breathed a sigh of relief. I could tell Charlie had thought it was something more serious and that I might have a relapse or something. He left me to it and I worked for the next few hours, writing an English essay _on Of Mice and Men, _while simultaneously thanking the gods that I wasn't taking the romance module this year. I was midway through my calculus, with a pile of Spanish beside me, when I heard Charlie greeting Jake and Billy. I knew I should be polite and go downstairs, but instead, I stayed in my room. It wasn't long before I heard Charlie and Billy suggesting that Jacob should take me some pizza. I knew it was because they wanted to gossip and they couldn't do that in front of Jake. There was a knock at my door just as I heard the TV being turned on.

Jacob seemed even taller in my room than he had in the garage – his head barely missed my ceiling. I thought it would have been awkward with Jake, but it wasn't. I found myself asking about his day. I was invited up to La Push for a beach trip that week, with Jacob and his friends Quil and Embry, who he talked about a lot – I felt like I knew them already. It was only when we got to the thorny topic of my day that it began to feel awkward.

We were sitting with our backs to my bed, the empty pizza box and our Coke glasses between us. "There's something you're not telling me," Jake said, with his freaky sixth sense where he knew what I was feeling.

"How did you know," I asked, stalling for time.

"I'm just observant," he said, his black eyes staring down into mine. I was aware of how close we were – ever since Mike-gate, as I called it, I avoided getting close to people – I cringed away from my partners in sports and kept to the far edge of the desk. "You bite your lip when something's bothering you, so spill," He poked me gently in the ribs.

I bit my lip, and grinned. He grinned back at me and suddenly I felt relaxed. There was something about Jacob that made me feel calm and anchored, instead of spinning off in some unknown direction to goodness knows where.

"Holly came to see me today," I began.

"Ah,"

"Yes, ah," I repeated. When he didn't say anything, I continued "She said some things, and I don't think she should have, and they bothered me,"

"What did she say?"

"That you dumped her, for me and that you like me, in that way, and…..and…..and….." I had said all of that in one breath and now I had run out of steam.

Jake looked at me, his broad, honest face serious "I like you, Bella," he said, his voice husky "I've always liked you but I know you're not ready for anything right now" _How did he know?_ I wondered to myself "But I'll be here," he continued "waiting for you. I'm not going to give up on you anytime soon," And then he wrapped his arms around me, holding me to his chest. And I wrapped my arm around him.

The next fortnight passed in a blur. I was always doing something. Everyone suddenly wanted to seem to take advantage of my non-zombie state. Angela and I went to Port Angeles – I horrified Charlie by getting my ears pierced. He made me tell Renee, who was thrilled and promised to send some studs once my ears were pierced. I was already considering getting my nose or another ear stud done. School and work were distractions as well but I spent most of my time with Jacob. We'd meet after school – his place or mine – and we'd hang out. We weren't dating, nothing like that, but Jake was my friend and it was cruel and selfish of me to lead him on but it was nice to have someone there on the end of the phone to keep the nightmares away.

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	5. Chapter 5

I know where this story is heading and bear with me. This is a little teaser chapter for what is going to happen later. Reviews would be fab. xxx

**I realised that the timing was wrong to fit in with the later chapters, so I changed it. Reread if you want and review!**

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Edward's POV

**6 months later**.

I didn't know what I was doing here. That's a lie. I knew exactly what I was doing here. I stared up at the slightly dilapidated house, with its peeling green paint and the vine growing up the side. Even though it was 3am, for my vampire eyes, it was as bright as day.

Bella's window, the one that I had climbed through countless times, was open, to my surprise. After what I did to her, I would have thought she would have kept it shut. However, the night was surprisingly warm for Forks, and I knew how she liked it like that, so having her window open was understandable. It was not thrown open wide like it used to be, but it wouldn't have been difficult for me to open it further.

I had only taken a small step closer to the house when the wind changed, and I smelt it. The smell that all my muscles lock and freeze into position. That made venom flow into my mouth and my nostrils burn. _Werewolf_. We had known that the werewolves were still in La Push, but what were they doing in Forks? We were gone, why did they have any need to be here…unless….was there another vampire in Forks? And what if it was Victoria? Or Laurent? Tanya had informed Carlisle of Irina's distress. I knew Charlie was friends with the Quileutes. Perhaps they were protecting him and Bella.

By now, the venom was circling my mouth. All my instincts were screaming and trying to break into "fight or flight". But my will was stronger than my instincts; I had to check on Bella. See her and see that she was still alive and in one piece. I ran silently across the yard and scrambled up the wall. As I got closer, the burning smell got stronger. The window swung open silently when I pushed it with my finger.

I looked into her room – everything was still as clear as daylight – and nearly lost my grip on the wall – not an easy thing to do. Bella was not alone. She was spooning with some guy, a Quileute from the smell of him, which was nearly in danger of asphyxiating me now, it was so strong.

Their legs, which I could see clearly as the quilt was on the floor, were entwined. Theirs was an embrace that was more intimate than anything Bella and I had ever shared. There was a sense of companionship between them – just the way their breathing was in synch. That was when I noticed; as her head moved to the side, her hair should have fallen out of the loop she usually tied it in when she went to bed. But her hair was nearly as short as Alice's; it curled in all directions like, strangely, her father's did. The dog's arms were wrapped around her tiny frame and their hands were wrapped together by her heart.

My heart, meanwhile, was breaking into pieces. It was splintering into a million different parts and crashing through my soul. Of course Bella would have moved on, why would she not have? She was beautiful, young and had her whole life ahead of her. Of course she would have found someone else, like I had meant her to. Deep down though, through the fragments that my soul was now in, I was angry with myself. Not Bella, I could never be angry with her. But I had let her go. Secretly, I had hoped that she would have waited for me, seen through my lies, and would have been waiting for me with open arms. My secret hopes were in vain.

I sighed and pushed away from the window. If she had been alone, I would have watched her sleep. But it was different now, someone else was there while she slept, protecting her.

And so I turned and ran. I would visit my family, one last time, before I would head back to my South American hovel to spend eternity. As I sped through the dark undergrowth, I could feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. I threw it at the nearest tree, where it shattered. I had hoped it would calm my rage, but if anything, it only made it worse.

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REVIEW!


	6. Chapter 6

I'm in trouble; I'm meant to be revising for my A Level English exam, writing this. Anyway, to stop myself writing anymore, I have to get 5 reviews before I'll put another chapter up. _And_ I think I deserve some reviews, especially as I have given you TWO points of view in this chapter. The review doesn't even have to be long, just a smiley face. Go on, you know you want to.

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**Bella's POV.**

As I dressed for the beach party, the phone rang. I had to run downstairs in my bikini to get it, as Charlie was still at work "Hello?" I answered breathlessly.

"Bella, it me, Angela. I'm in need of style advice," It was strange to think that I was now the stylish one in the group. I bought huge numbers of magazines each month and I followed their advice religiously. I now split my wages 3 ways – clothes, saving and entertainment. My college fund was quite large now; I was seriously considering college as an option.

"What are you wearing?" she asked.

"Currently, some high waisted bikini bottoms, a halter neck bikini top and my low top black Converse. Why?"

"I hope you're not going out like that, young lady," she joked.

"I considered it but then I realised that Charlie would have to arrest me for indecent exposure," She laughed "Help me! I don't know what to wear to this beach thing!"

I flicked through the magazine on the phone table for ideas; I'd left it there that afternoon when I had been on the phone to Renee. "What about your blue jeans, turned up at the bottom? Then wear your swimsuit underneath with that stripy top from Port Angeles and a cardigan,"

"Thank you so much, Bella! You are a genius of the first water! Do you need a lift to La Push?"

"No, Jake's picking me up,"

She wolf-whistled, and then said "See you there then," We hung up and I headed back upstairs. The week had been weirdly warm and today was the hottest day yet. It was almost ominously warm for April in Forks but all the teenagers in Forks and La Push were embracing it anyway, which was why Jake and his La Push friends had invited me down to the beach for a party. Jake had encouraged me to bring Ben and Angela, so that when he and his friends went surfing, I wasn't alone.

Angela and I were spending a lot of time together now. Every fortnight, we would go down to Portland and go shopping; I couldn't really deal with Port Angeles too much; there were too many memories there. We were wandering around the mall there a few weeks ago when a woman with a camera stopped us and asked to take our picture for a magazine article about "real style" or something. It was nice to think that I would be one of those beautiful girls in the magazine; that someone thought of me like that. My collage had spread over two and a half of my walls now – Charlie refused to spend more than a couple of minutes in my room at a time; he said all the eyes following him creeped him out.

Angela and I weren't close like Alice (it was strange – I could think about her – occasionally but not often – whereas I couldn't think about _him_ without collapsing into a ball of pathetic mush – guess I wasn't as strong as I thought) but it was a comfortable friendship; there were never any awkward silences of anything.

My friendship with Jacob, however, was getting more and more complex. I had found out last weekend from Quil (who couldn't keep a secret to save his life) that most of the kids in La Push referred to me as Jacob's girlfriend. We were close, sure, but we weren't that close.

Jake pulled up about 20 minutes later, in his Rabbit. I locked the door behind me as I ran across the yard. The sun hadn't set yet, but the corners of the sky were beginning to turn yellow. He turned off the radio as I climbed in. I hadn't really listened to music properly since Mike gave me a CD. I threw it away because one of the songs reminded me of things that I didn't want or need to be reminded of. Jacob noticed these things though; he'd rarely listen to music when I was around, and whenever I felt like I was about to fall into tiny shards of glass and shatter on the floor, his warm arm would wrap around my waist, keeping me together.

**Jacob's POV.**

Bella ran out of her house and across the lawn, her face lighting up into this big smile. Like I'd made her day or something. It killed me, it really did, because I knew that she didn't feel the way I felt – she was still in love with _Edward_, like he was so great. I didn't understand her sometimes. This guy broke her heart, no, he did more than that; he got her heart, used it and didn't appreciate it, then when he was done, stamped on it, ripped it in two and left it to rot in the dust.

I was trying, really, really hard, to put it back together. I'd cleaned most of the dust off it now, but it was still a bit squashed and it was only held together with a few bits of sellotape. She was better, than she was though. Billy had told me what Charlie had said, and about her being comatose and screaming in her sleep and hacking all her hair off. Her hair suited her now – she'd had it cut properly when she had gone to Portland with Angela one time and it was just below her ears in a curly bob now – I wasn't sure about the really short crop – she looked like a cancer patient recovering from chemo or something. It didn't stop me catching her with her arms wrapped around her, trying to hold herself together. She'd tried to explain it to me once, but she'd got overwhelmed or embarrassed or something and had buried her face in my chest.

By the time we got to the beach, everyone else was there; she went and sat with Angela and Ben while I got her a drink. The weather was really warm – people were heading down to the sea and were actually swimming. When I got back with Bella's beer, she and Angela were discussing the pros and cons of going for a swim.

"But it'll be really cold," Bella was saying.

"No, it won't," Angela said, nudging her with her shoulder "You'll warm up when you get in there and you won't want to waste you bikini,"

Bella sighed "Alright then, but I'm gonna drink this first," she said, swiping her drink from my hand. Ben, Angela and Bella continued talking, mainly about school, while I looked at Bella. She was wearing this long gypsy skirt and she had a load of bangles that tinkled and moved up and down her arm as she talked. The only sign that she was a bit nervous or shy was the way the toes of her sneakers were pointed together in this awkward/emo kid kinda stance thing.

She was wearing this big grey sweater as well and she when she wasn't talking she'd pull the neck up around her chin so it covered her mouth and nose and all you could see where her big brown chocolate eyes. I'd been so absorbed in watching her face, her beautiful face, that I was surprised when she suddenly stood up, Angela with her, and headed back to Ben's car. Leah went with them, which surprised me, but I'd seen her talking to them earlier.

They emerged a few minutes later, with towels wrapped around them, giggling. Everyone was watching them, which annoyed me, cos, hey, Bella was mine. Not in a possessive way but she was _my_ friend. When they got to the water's edge, they threw their towels back and _wow_. There was no other way to describe it.

I'd imagined Bella (and let's face it Leah – but not Angela, she was just too sweet) wearing bikinis and the like, but I have never thought I'd actually see it. Leah looked amazing – she was wearing this red bikini, that was pretty skimpy and yeah, really sexy. Her boyfriend, the only person in La Push who could put up with her tantrums, ran into join her. He threw his shirt off as she ran in jumped on her, making her scream as they swam into the deeper water. I noticed Sam Uley, her ex, sitting on some driftwood, watching her too. His eyes moved onto me and I glared at him. Ugh, I hated that guy.

Bella was the one I really watched though. She and Angela, who was calling for me and Ben to join them, were taking it slower than Leah. Bella was in this kinda what I would call fifties bikini. You barely see any of her skin, compared to Leah, but it was sexier. Just a bit of midriff. The bottoms were kinda like running shorts, but they suited her. She would squeal anytime the water got any higher on her body, but she seemed to be enjoying herself. She turned around, and I got the full effect of the swimsuit. She had cleavage and this sexy girl next door thing going. _Wow_ was really all I could think. _Wow wow wow wow. _"Jake!" She yelled, cupping her hands around her mouth "Get your arse over here now," Ben ran past me, dumping his shirt with Angela's towel. "C'mon!" She called again "Don't be a wimp!" That got me. I ran in, most of the others joining me. The surfers were dumping their boards and then coming back in as well.

The water was really soothing; my skin had been really hot for the last few days. I wondered if I was going to get a fever or something, but I hadn't mentioned it to Bella, or my Dad, cos Bella would only worry about me (a small part of my brain wondered if that was what I wanted. I ignored the errant thought) and my Dad would make me stay home, which would be a massive bummer, since the weather was so good at the moment. Of course, it could be the weather – the shock of having some sun made me ill.

We stayed in the sea for ages until Bella literally began to turn blue. There were a lot of jokes about coming from south but she took them well, and hid her gorgeous body in a big towel, warming herself up by the campfire.

She fell asleep on the ride home though; she'd changed into her skirt and jumper again, but she'd left her sneakers off. I was glad I wouldn't have to explain to Charlie why Bella was in her bikini and half asleep.

"Bells," I whispered, shaking her shoulder "Wake up, honey; we're home," I shook her shoulder a bit harder "C'mon!" She slumped against me then, her eyelids fluttering and her lips parted like one of the women in the painting with the earring.

"Bells? Its 1am, you've gotta go to bed and I've gotta go home so Charlie doesn't kill me,"

She opened her eyes this time "Jake," she breathed, her eyes looking into mine. I don't know what made me do it, but I leant down and kissed her lips, softly. For one second, one amazing, incredible second, she kissed me back. Then suddenly she was pushing me away, nails scratching my face, hands pushing against my chest. I was too shocked to move. She scooped her shoes off of the floor and ran to the house, unlocking the door as fast as she could "Bella! Wait!" I shouted, getting out the car. By the time I got to the door, she'd locked it. On the other side, I could hear sobs. "Bella?" I said, softly this time

"Go _away_, Jacob!" So I did. I got in my car and drove away. I would go and see her tomorrow.

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REVIEW PLEASE! I'm only asking for 5.

The painting Jake is thinking of is _The Girl With The Pearl Earring_ by Vermeer.


	7. Chapter 7

I know I said I wanted reviews, but I didn't get enough. However, I've decided I don't care, well I do care but I am writing this story for the pleasure of writing it, not to get more reviews than someone else. So review, because I like getting feedback.

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I woke up to the sound of my scream. I felt vile. I was sweating and all my hair was plastered to the back of my neck. There was a stale taste in my mouth and my head hurt. I hate hangovers. And then I remembered last night. What I'd done. How could I have been so cruel? Poor Jacob. I'd led him on, down the path, way too far. But pushing him away like that, like, like a….

My thought process was interrupted as I ran to the bathroom to be sick. Once I was done, I leant back against the bath, resting my head against the cool enamel. I didn't know what, or who I was, or thought I was pushing him away like that; it was beyond cruel. The guilt washed over me as I headed back to my room, and threw myself back down on my bed after checking that Charlie wasn't home – the only vehicle in the driveway was my truck.

I slept fitfully for another couple of hours but the phone woke me. I went downstairs slowly, using the banister for support, as my legs were kinda wobbly.

"Hullo?" I said dully as I picked the phone up.

"Bella! It's Angela. I just wanted to say 'thank you' for inviting me and Ben down last night, we had so much fun!" She gushed.

"That's okay, Ange," I said, sounding half asleep.

"Oh gosh, Bella I didn't mean to wake you up! Have you only just got up?"

"No. I was sick about-" I glanced at the clock above the mirror "two and a half hours ago, and I just went back to bed to have a bit more of a sleep,"

"I forget how bad your hangovers are! Me and Ben were up all night – just talking," she added, sternly. Her father was the local pastor – she was waiting Ben wait until they had moved in together and were engaged "Ben just makes me laugh so much," In an attempt to move on her from what she and Ben did last night – she sometimes forgot that I wasn't gossip hungry like Lauren and Jess, but I didn't mind – she said "What did you and Jacob do last night, after we'd left?"

"We hung out for a bit, then he gave me a lift home. And then, then…he umm" I wasn't sure how to say it, but I wanted to. I wanted to tell someone

"He what, Bella?" Ange sounded confused.

I took a deep breath "Jacob kissed me," The minute, I said it, I felt a release and let my breath out. But with a relief came a new wave of emotions.

"What?!? He did what?!? What happened exactly? Did you kiss him back?" Angela was worried now, I could hear the tension in her voice, and the way it got higher at the end. She didn't want to pass the information; she just wanted to make sure that I was okay.

I wasn't sure where to begin "Um, well, on the drive home, I fell asleep, and I when I woke up, we were at my house. Jake kept trying to wake me up. His face was really close to mine and I don't know, one second we weren't kissing and the next we were,"

"Do you like him?"

"I don't know. I just feel so guilty,"

"Bella. Edward left _you_. There's no need to feel guilty," The sound of his name made pain ripple through me.

"That's not what I feel guilty about,"

"Then what?"

"It was how I reacted. For all of one second, I kissed him back. And then I realised what I was doing. I pushed him away – no, I did more than that – I scratched his face and his chest so that I could get away. Then I ran inside and locked the door and told him to go away,"

"Oh, Bella,"

"I know," We sat in silence for a minute

"Y'know Bella," she said "I'm quite cross with Jacob actually,"

"What do you mean?" Angela was never cross with anyone

"Bella, anyone can see that you are still in love with Edward," Enough with his name already, Angela, I thought, but I let her continue "What Jacob did was inexcusable; you should never kiss a woman without her permission. Bella, you had every right to do what you did," Angela would go off on these rants occasionally – she and her mom went to these bonding, women-empowering seminars – I'd been to some with Renee. "I want you to promise me something Bella,"

"Anything,"

"You won't call him. Not until I see you, which will have to be Monday cos we're leaving for DC in about 5 minutes. Do you promise?"

"Sure, sure,"

"Okay, Bella. See you on Monday,"

"Bye Ange," I stayed sitting in the wicker chair after I'd hung up the phone and drew myself up into a ball. I couldn't call Jacob, now that I'd promised and Angela, and I didn't really want to see him anyway.

I went back upstairs and showered. I cut my hair short again – whenever things got stressful these days, I would cut my hair. It gave me a sense of release. I cut my hair really short this time – like Alice's was. Then with my towel wrapped around me, I headed back to my bedroom. I sat on my bed and looked around me, searching for clothes when the picture of Jake and I by my bed caught my eye.

It had been taken a few weeks ago. Charlie had found my camera in my room when he was looking for the stapler and suggested that I should use it, so I'd taken it to Jake's with me, so that he didn't think I was an ungrateful daughter for not using my birthday present. When Quil (Embry wasn't hanging out with Jake and Quil anymore – he was hanging around with some guy called Sam Uley – both Quil and Jake refused to talk about him) took the picture, I'd had to stand on a chair so that I was the same height as Jake; otherwise he couldn't get us both in the frame – apparently Quil wasn't good with technology. My arm was around Jake's shoulders and his arm was around my waist. It was something that I really didn't want to see right now. I wanted to shut my brain down, but I couldn't. If I got out of the house, I reasoned, maybe I wouldn't think about Jake as much.

So I pulled on a dress, some leggings and some old trainers and then added a thick jumper for warmth; sure it was warm now, but with Forks, you could never tell when the weather might change. When I left the house, I headed into the forest on the left hand side of the yard and walked. And walked and walked and walked and walked. As I walked, I didn't think. I began to get a little nervous when I realised I didn't know how long I'd been walking for; I'd left my watch on my desk, at home. I didn't know where I was either. I could see bright light through the trees, so I moved about faster.

I knew where I was, the minute I stepped out into the clearing. I collapsed to my knees, my arms wrapped around myself, trying to hold myself together. My breath came in short gasps. It was like losing him all over again.

Then a voice I never thought I would hear again in my life floated across to me "Bella?" I stared at him, but I didn't answer. "I didn't think I'd see you here," Laurent was either oblivious to my strange behaviour, or he was ignoring it. He walked about halfway across the clearing and stopped about 75 metres away from me."For a second, I thought you were the psychic Cullen – what's her name? – Alice, but you smell too delicious,"

"Um," I didn't know what to say "It's probably the hair,"

"Where are the Cullens?" He said suddenly.

"What do you mean?"

"The house smells empty. They've left you, haven't they?" His face twisted into a sneer. He was being cruel and probably had noticed my behaviour. Suddenly, he was standing over me. I tried backing away, pulling myself backwards on my palms, but he was there, already blocking my path.

"Victoria sent me here to find you," I whimpered at the sound of her name "I'm going to kill you; I'm hungry. I thought you should know, before it happens," Tears coursed silently down my cheeks.

He knelt down, and placed his hand on my cheek. There was this horrible, evil glint in his eyes which disappeared when a twig snapped behind him. Lightning fast, he was standing up straight with his back to me. Stood there were three enormous wolves. They were the size of bears, each a different colour. Their paws were about the size of my face and they were probably about as tall as me if I was standing up.

I knew it should have been the moment that I turned and ran, but I was frozen to the spot. And just like that, Laurent turned and ran. He ran away; away from these wolves, who he could have easily killed in 30 seconds, before finishing me off. Again I didn't move. I just sat there, tears still streaming – I could feel the moisture soaking into the skirt of my dress but I didn't move.

"Bella?" At the sound of my name I ducked, lay flat on the ground, with one side of my face pressed against the earth. "Bella?" The voice called me again. My senses were too alert to focus on anything – sounds, what I was looking at. Suddenly, warm hands were pulling at my shoulders, pulling me against a warm boulder. "Bella, Bella, say something, please anything," I focused on the voice. It was Jacob.

I wasn't able to say how long we sat there. All the walls I'd built up, my defences to making me a stronger, but not better, person, had collapsed. Fallen down as though they were made of straw, instead of the bricks I thought they were. But Jacob was here. He was always here when I needed him, building me up. He was the one who made me strong, made me able to cope on my own. I still didn't know how I felt about him – whether I wanted him to more than a friend or not – but I knew I needed him now.

I didn't know how he found me – how he knew where I was, but I didn't care, he was with me now. When I woke up, I was in my room; Jake was sitting on the window seat, looking out of the window at the now dark sky.

"Jake?"

"Bella! You're awake! Are you okay? Do you need anything?"

"How did you know where to find me?" That seemed to be the most important question at the moment. My words came out like mush. Nearly being murdered by a vampire and/or wolves seemed to really have taken it out of me.

"I'll tell you later, Bella, I promise," He sat on edge of the bed. "Can I get you anything?"

"No," I mumbled "Just don't leave me," I tugged at his shirt till he lay down beside me. I didn't want to be alone. I needed someone beside me, more than just a voice down a phone line. Jake wrapped his arm round my waist and lay his head down next to mine. I put my hand around his hand and closed my eyes again.

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Hit that review button! I'd love to know what you think. Also, are you Team Edward, Team Jacob, or Team Switzerland. Can you guess which t-shirt I have as well?

There's a filler chapter coming up next, just to keep you on your toes.


	8. Chapter 8

Just a little filler chapter until I get Jacob's POV sorted. He's quite difficult to write and a lot happened to him.  
In regard to **warnesy-01's** question, I know there was 5 wolves, there are 5 wolves in the pack in this story, but in these chapters, there are only 3, because it suits my purposes.  
And I want to say a really big thank you to **ParallelBella **for all her great reviews.

Please read and review, it would really make my sunny bank holiday weekend.

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Alice's POV.

Edward had been home for about 3 hours when I saw the article. I'd called him about an hour before to check up on him, but the line suddenly went dead. When he did roll up, which was a surprise; he didn't say anything to anyone, just walked in, as though he was here all the time and went to his room. In my mind I could see him lying on his couch, looking like a well dressed tortured artist/musician, which in a way, he was. But it was his own fault.

I was doing my monthly fashion magazine round up – trying to spot new trends and working out who was going to be the next big thing, so that I could buy up their collection before anybody else.

I squealed and ran up to find Edward. Jasper had sensed the change in my emotions, followed me, curiosity in his eyes.

"Look, Edward, look!" I waved the magazine in front of his face

"Yes, Alice, it's a lovely magazine, what do you want?" Edward hadn't even bothered to open his eyes – but I knew he could hear the rustling of the pages. Behind me, Jasper growled. He didn't like it when Edward was mean to me, but I didn't care. Seeing Bella's picture had put me in such a good mood.

In the photo, she was wearing a floral patterned dress, with a plaited belt and some scuffed ballet pumps and leggings. She looked so stylish. I was so proud of Bella – she had drawn out the fashionista that I knew was in there somewhere. Her hair was short – it was cut into a little bob that sat just below her ears- so chic. But she was very thin – the dress, of which I had the Chanel version on which it was based – hung off her in the wrong way, making her look all angular. And sure, the belt cinched in at her waist, but it went in much more than it used to – she was probably a size zero now. She wasn't smiling, but she wasn't frowning either – her face was totally neutral - her eyes were sad though – they were big and serious and full of hurt. But she was okay – she didn't seem to have any broken bones or anything – which made everything better. The magazine rated her as 'the most stylish person in Portland'.

"Look!" I insisted "It's Bella!" That had him paying attention. He sat up straight and grabbed it from my hands.

"Doesn't she look pretty?"

"Yes. She looks beautiful," He said and sighed.

"Go and see her, Edward, please. For me?" I begged, kneeling down beside him. "I know she wants to see you,"

"How do you know that, Alice?" His tone was biting, acidic. Jasper growled again "Jazz," I said "Go and fight with Emmett, or something. Edward's in a foul mood and you'll only get cross with him," Jasper left, knowing I was right.

"Okay, Edward," I said, slapping his leg "What's really going on?"

"I went to see her today, tonight actually," he said dully. There was no emotion in his voice. "I looked into her room to check on her and she wasn't alone," I gasped. He went on as though I hadn't made a sound "She was with a _werewolf_. A goddamn werewolf!" He clenched his hands into fists, pushed up off the couch and began pacing the room "A stupid, moronic _dog_," His voice broke on the word 'dog' and I knew that if he was human, he would have cried. I wrapped my arms around him and then led him back to the couch and pushed him down.

"What do you mean 'with'?"

"They were lying on her bed, together," He dragged his hand down his face and rested his head on my shoulder. I was glad Jazz wasn't here to feel the turmoil of his emotions. "That doesn't mean anything though, Edward, they could just be friends,"

"You didn't see it, Alice. They fitted together perfectly, like two pieces of a puzzle. Even their breathing was synchronised. It hurts so much, Alice; I'd secretly hoped that, that…"

"She'd waited for you?"

"Yes, I wish that so much," He hung his head in his hands

"I think you should talk to her,"

"Why. What's the point? She's moved on,"

"How do you know?

"I don't," I frowned "I can't see her. It must be the werewolf. But Edward, please go and see her, because if you don't, I will. You don't know what relationship she has with this wolf – he could just be a friend. You don't have to go and see her now, but soon, okay? Or I will,"

"Fine, Alice," Edward sighed "Can you please leave now?" I left, satisfied. I would see Bella soon. And he and Bella would get back together, and everything would get back to normal.

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I'm not going to tell you which Team I am yet - it would ruin the story.


	9. Chapter 9

Here it is, Jacob's POV. I found it really difficult and now I don't know where the story should go. I have two endings, one for Team Edward and one for Team Jacob.  
I'm Team Switzerland, thanks for all your guesses. I'm so Team Switzerland that I don't know how to end the story. I want her to get back together with Edward but I don't want Jacob to be all hurt. So readers, it is over to you - Team Edward? Or Team Jacob?  
Review and let me know!

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Jacob's POV.

I was so happy on the way home. I felt bad, really bad, and guilty, that I had hurt Bella, but at the same time, she had kissed me back. Even though it was just for that one second, she had kissed me. I still had a chance. I had really fallen for her, hard.

Billy was waiting for me when I got home, sitting in his chair in the kitchen, in his dressing gown - he was probably about to go to bed. He made some comment, I don't even remember what it was now, it seems so insignificant, it was about Bella and me, but I snapped. One second I was me, Jacob, the human boy, who was in love with Bella, the next, I was in this strange body, smelling all these strange things and hearing all the strange things. I didn't know what to do or think. It was so confusing. The voices in my head didn't help until I recognised them – Sam, Paul, Jared and Embry. Billy managed to somehow get past my new shape to open the door for me. I dashed out into the yard - this new body wanted freedom.

They filled me in all the details – everything I would need to know. If werewolves were real, which they were, as I was one, it turned out – my new body was that of a wolf - then vampires were real – they were more than a little bit worried that I'd told Bella about the treaty, even though I hadn't believed it at the time. There were also two vampires hunting in the area – a red haired female and a black haired male. They had already claimed a number of victims – _what if Bella is next?_ I immediately thought. _We need to protect her too, now_. The others agreed with that but said that protecting the rez was their "first priority". Already I was arguing back, saying that we were meant to protect the people we cared about – I knew the legends – I'd been brought up on them – they were Quileute kid's bedtime stories instead of sleeping beauties and princesses and peas.

Apparently patrols were long while we were hunting for these vampires so Sam insisted that Embry and I slept so that we would be well rested for our patrol the next morning. This also meant that I could be filled in on werewolf protocol. Apparently, the best thing to do, if you needed to phase quickly was to tie sweats to one of your back legs. And that you were really hungry, all the time and that it was fun to wind Paul up.

The part that hurt me most, that literally crushed me – I felt like I was drowning under the weight of the order that Sam, the alpha, made oh-so casually – was that I was now dangerous to Bella and I couldn't tell her anything. I realised that being dangerous also meant that I couldn't see her. I couldn't tell her how I felt and how I was sorry for making her react the way she did last night. I hoped that she would be okay, without me. I hoped that I would be okay without her.

My dad looked pretty smug when I had finally changed into being me, human Jacob again (it had taken me a few attempts). He had known all along and he hadn't told me. When I questioned him, he said it wasn't his place to tell me, which made me so furious that I phased again, and nearly breaking the table in the process– my limbs were all over the place – I was really having difficulty with this new skill, way of life, development, growth spurt – whatever you want to call it.

Just before I fell asleep, I found myself staring at the picture of me and Bella that I had pinned up on my wall by my bed. We were in my kitchen, and she was standing on a chair so that she was about the same height as me and we both had the biggest, stupidest, most idiotic grins on our faces. My arm was around her waist and her arm was around my shoulders. It had been one of the best evenings I'd ever spent. Even if I never saw her again, which was looking pretty likely, I'd always have that picture and the memories.

Patrol the next morning, an early start at 6am sharp, was, actually, quite fun. All my misgivings about Sam were gone and Embry was my friend again. It was like nothing had changed between us, although I felt guilty that I couldn't be friends with Quil anymore – I wasn't allowed to see him anymore either, until he joined us, which was apparently quite likely.

I'd pretty much decided that this werewolf thing sucked – I had to stay in La Push, pretty much forever, I couldn't see my friends and whenever I got the slightest bit angry, I transformed into a wolf – when I smelt something disgusting. It burnt my nose something vile. Instinctively, I knew it was a vampire. That's when we started running – we'd been running before, but not like this – it was like flying. We were moving silently and speedily, heading to a part of the forest I hadn't been before. Embry wanted to call for Paul and Jared, but Sam said no – if the vampire heard us, we might miss our only really good chance to catch him.

The running really made up for it. I was going the fastest I had ever been. Faster than the fall when I cliff jump with the guys. Faster than Quil's dirt bike. Definitely faster than the car Embry and I had got a joyride in one time. We had driven along this long straight home, about 30 miles from Forks, round the back of this farm. At our fastest speed we were going at 150 miles per hour. This was nothing, repeat _nothing, _compared to that.

We caught up with the vamp just as he entered a meadow, this kinda clearing thing – he was about 2 minutes ahead of us. Sam pulled Embry and I up short in the shadow of the trees just as we were about to go darting into the clearing. He hadn't heard us following him and we were downwind as well – we had the advantage. But the bloodsucker was not alone. There was someone there with him –a female – we couldn't tell if it was vampire or human. That was until I heard the voice

"Um, it's probably the hair" _It's Bella_ I thought _it's Bella, we have to help her, we have to do something. NOW. What is she doing here? She is so far from La Push AND Forks._ It was definitely Bella, but her hair was short again – to the extreme. What was with that girl and cutting her hair? With a silent jerk of his head, Sam led us forward – I was getting more and more desperate - trying to make Sam let me move faster, but he wouldn't let me – Bella was trying to back away – she scrambled backwards, pushing herself back on her hands, and this leech was talking about killing her – but Sam was still holding me back – the tension was nearly killing me – until the atmosphere broke when my giant paw stepped on a twig, snapping it. The leech was standing up in front of us like lightning – for one second he stared at us, then he ran away– boy, was he fast – but we were faster.

Killing him was easy – easier than I thought it would be – it probably helped that I was furious, more than that, the anger coursing through me at that moment is something I will never be able to describe fully.

Sam, in a shock move, sent me back to Bella, to sure she was okay, and that _he_ hadn't done anything to her. I knew what he meant and I didn't even want to think about _that _option. I phased (I was getting better), pulled on my sweats, and headed to the edge of clearing "Bella?" I called. Her head, which I could just see above the grass, still in the same place where she was nearly _killed_ by that damn leech, suddenly disappeared from sight? Had she fainted? Or was she finally showing some form of self preservation? I quickened my pace, all the while calling her name. My new, super improved hearing heard the sound of a lighter flicking and the _whoosh_ of flames as Embry and Sam dealt with the bloodsucker.

Bella hadn't fainted. She was lying there on the ground, barely moving, eyes screwed shut. I knelt down next to her and pulled her against my chest. Her eyes, now open, weren't focusing on anything and it seemed like she couldn't hear me. Then finally, when I was worried she was reverting into that comatose state that she had been in September, thanks to another bloodsucker, she said my name, and burrowed into my chest, her little arms circling my waist. Her hair - or what she had left of it – tickled my arm.

"Jacob," she said again, and then she sighed. She didn't seem to want to move, so I just sat there with her, until she was ready to move, thankful that she was alive and human. Eventually, her grip slackened and her eyes closed, and I realised that she had fallen asleep - she was breathing deeply. I knew she would have questions for me, and I would have to talk to Sam, but I was sure he would let me tell her now, after what had happened today. The others had left to inform the elders that one of the vampires had gone, but not before Sam phased back just to tell me that he'd like to talk to me tonight, please.

Not only did werewolf Jacob have super hearing, he also had a super sense of smell now. Honestly, why couldn't I get a good super power, like flight? All I had was the ability to run fast quite quietly. It wasn't that bad, but still, flight would have been awesome. Using my new super-nose, I followed Bella's scent back to her house, carrying her in my arms. I wondered what on Earth possessed her to walk such a long distance and then pushed the thought to the back to my mind. Amazingly, it was only just six when I reached Bella's – Charlie wasn't there – he was either at work or fishing. I carried her up to her room and lay her down on the bed. I pulled off her sneakers and put them neatly by the side of her bed, and then jumped out the open window, after checking no-one was around and grabbing a clean shirt from the ironing pile outside Bella's door so that I'd be properly dressed if I had to talk to Charlie. I phased quickly. I was unwilling to have the conversation with Sam, but I knew it was necessary. I wanted to be back by Bella's side, so that I was there when she woke up. _Sam _I thought _Sam. _

_Yes? _His consciousness was the only one I could feel – the others must have been passing on the good news. One vamp down, one to go.

_I know you want to talk, but I can't leave her now. Please don't make me. She needs me now _I brought to mind the image of Bella, curled up on her bed, her face thin and drained.

Sam ignored me. _Jacob, this is a matter which I have given serious consideration, and I have discussed with the rest of the pack and the elders. We based our decision on the way that you controlled your temper today in the clearing. You have our permission to tell Bella what she needs to know. Just the basic information. If you are not sure how to answer a question that she is likely to have, do not answer it. _I could hear the authority of the Alpha in his tone.

_Yes sir._

_But do not answer anything tonight. Bring her down to La Push when you want to tell her. I thought that maybe having Emily nearby may help. And if you do lose control, we will need to be there. _

_Thank you so much, Sam. Thank you. Thanks. You're the best Alpha ever _I thought. If I had been human I would have been gushing.

_Hmmm _He thought. Then his consciousness disapperared. I phased back quickly, but then had to hide in the undergrowth as Charlie's cruiser turned the corner just as I was about to leap in through Bella's window. I settled in to wait, listening as Charlie unpacked his load and washed down. He checked on Bella, muttered something about the amount of time she slept, ordered a pizza and watched a game. I had been sitting there, dozing on and off and with my muscles growing stiff for about four hours when he finally went to bed. When the strains of his snores reached my ears, I climbed in through the window easily.

Bella was still asleep, stretched across the bed now - she still had one arm wrapped around her torso though. Like she was trying to not fall apart. I sat on the window seat and stared at the sky, watching for breaks in the clouds so that I could see the sky.

"Jake?" I turned. I'd been sitting there for about an hour. So far, I'd only seen seven stars. Bella was awake, or at least half-awake.

"Bella!" You're awake! Are you okay? Do you need anything?" She looked at me for a second, like she was all kinds of confused

"How'd you know where……to....to find me?" She was definitely still half asleep. I thought about telling her now but she was too tired. I would simply take her to La Push tomorrow "I'll tell you later, Bella, I promise," I meant it. I sat on the edge of her bed, stroking her hair "Can I get you anything?" I would do anything to make sure that she was okay.

"No," she murmured, lying back down, and pulling on my shirt "Just don't leave me," She pulled on my shirt again, harder this time. How she had any strength left was beyond me. Again she tugged. So this time, I lay down next to her. She was cold – I should have covered her up with her quilt. To warm her up, I wrapped my arm around her waist and lay my head next to hers, inhaling scent of her shampoo from her hair. Her hand scrabbled around across the sheet until she found mine, where she closed her fingers around it and pulled it into her heart.

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Review please!

I feel I should say that there is a good 10 more chapters in this story but from now on it can only go down one path. So.....should Bella choose Edward or Jacob? Give me any future plotline guesses.


	10. Chapter 10

Okay, confession time: I have writer's block when writing in Bella's POV. So, instead, here is a teaser chapter to whet your appetites for when I finally work out what Bella is going to say.

Please REVIEW! I can see you all viewing the story, but I'm not seeing any reviews. Not happy, folks. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW.

xxxx

P.S. It's 2:10am here in the UK so I would love some reviews - perhaps I might be able to sleep better at night.

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I didn't want to be here. But as Jasper found the overload of teenage emotions and hormones too much whenever he went to one of these events with Alice, I had to go instead – my punishment for having not gone to see Bella yet. Every time I decided I would go, I would only get as far as my car, before I would turn around and come back. Emmet had teased me about it until I'd thrown one of the armchairs at his head. It hadn't hurt him, obviously, but everyone (except Alice) had left me alone after that.

As we stood in line at the entrance of the club for the tacky, over-priced, high school graduation night, I could see why Jasper didn't want to go. All these children's emotions echoed in their thoughts.

_Where's my purse gone?_

_I'm so excited! This is going to be excellent!_

_Man, that girl is smokin'! Bet she'd get with me tonight. _

_I wish I was as pretty as her._

_Bitch! She's wearing my dress! I saw it first._

_Need. Alcohol. Now._

_We'd better get in soon; my mom's picking me up at midnight. _

"Alice," I murmured "I really don't want to be here. Can't you go alone?"

"No Edward, I can't go alone. A young lady should never be without an escort. Did your mother never teach you that?" I sighed and handed our $20 (each!) over as we reached the entrance.

As we got into the club, the teenager's thoughts changed – it was less about themselves and more about the youths around them. Illegal alcohol consumption fuelled confidences; emotional highs of successes and lows of failures as couples paired off in the booths and on the dance floor overwhelmed my thoughts – no wonder Jasper didn't want to come – I really had to work hard on drowning them all out.

As I sat in one of the booths as Alice got the drinks in (we had to pretend to be human), my thoughts turned to Bella, as they always did, when there was nothing distracting me; I thought of her 99% of the time. I could see her now, in little bits of the girls who walked past. Her eyes were a similar shape to the girl who was staring at me over the top of her martini glass, and her hair was a similar colour to the girl leaning against the wall in a black dress. The girl making out with her boyfriend in the booth opposite had hair the same length as Bella. Bella's hair was the same length as the girl with the cropped blonde hair and Doc Martens.

Alice appeared back at my side then, holding a tray with two shots on it and two glasses filled with luminous green liquid. Even if I was human, I wouldn't drink it. She handed me a shot. I gave her a meaningful look and she shot one back.

"Jasper always has one," was all she said. I knocked it back as a point of pride. It was disgusting – it tasted worse than when I ate that piece of pizza for Bella, back in the Forks High School canteen, in what seemed like an age ago.

"Why do you even like coming here, Alice?" I was genuinely curious; she'd kept her thoughts on this particular topic carefully hidden and I also wanted a brief distraction from thinking about Bella, because when I thought about her, it hurt, because I thought about the last time I had seen her.

"I like looking at them,"

Alice's voice brought me back down to Earth "Who?"

"The humans - duh, Edward. I like seeing humans enjoying themselves and having a nice time. You don't see it much in high school,"

"Most of them aren't having a good time,"

"Yeah they are, they're smiling and having a good time,"

"It's the alcohol,"

"No. It's that they're human. They can grow old and have children and change. They can go all the things that I can't," She looked down at the couple making out across from us, then down at the table, where our hands rested. Our skin glowed strangely in the coloured lights "That girl. She's pregnant," she added.

"How can you tell?"

"When I stood next to her at the bar, I could hear two heartbeats. Her boyfriend thinks she's drinking Bacardi and Coke, but it's just Coke,"

"Oh,"

"Yeah," Then "I wish I could have children,"

"I thought Rosalie was the maternal one,"

"She is. But, y'know, if I had that option then, sure, I'd have children. Lots of them," She smiled at me "Edward, you know I'm sad that I can't remember my human life. And I'm sad that there are all sorts of things that I can't do, but I am thankful for the things that I've got now, in my new life. Like Jasper, you and the rest of my family, and the things I can do," She stopped talking then and looked around the club.

"They're not happy, Alice," She looked at me "Just because they appear happy on the surface; it doesn't mean that they are underneath. The girl in the red dress has just broken up with her boyfriend. The boy with the baseball caps and his jeans around his knees has just seen his best friend get off with the girl he likes and the girl sitting alone at that booth ripped her dress so she can't go and dance with her friends,"

"Let's go dance," She chirped, and stood up, holding her hand out.

"Alice," I cautioned "You _know_ what happened last time,"

"Never mind," she sat down. In her mind she was remembering what had happened last time she had been to a graduation night with Jasper. I looked across at the couple across from us, who were _still_ making out.

"I'm going for a walk," I stood up, and stretched, like a human who had been sitting still for a while would. Keeping up the façade was always the number one priority. After walking around for about 15 minutes, I found a balcony overlooking the dance floor, where I could hide from the many females who had tried to attract my attention, some of them literally throwing themselves at me. I could hear Alice laughing in her head as I tried to fight her off in a courteous manner.

As I leant against the rails, I watched the dancers. If I wasn't able to hear their thoughts, I really would have thought they were enjoying themselves. Certain girls caught my attention again, reminding me of Bella. The girl whose dress was too short had lips the same colour as Bella. The redhead was about the same height as her. The blonde was wearing a top in a similar colour to one Bella owned. The girl with her back to me in the backless sequinned dress moved her hips the way Bella did, holding her drink in the air as she danced along to Lady Gaga. She was thinner than Bella, though – her spine and shoulder blades protruded slightly from her back. I looked at other girls, but my eyes were constantly drawn back to the girl in the sequinned dress. Her hair was short and brown, the same shade as Bella's, in fact. Suddenly, Alice was beside me. I'd been so focused on the girl, I hadn't heard her approach.

"We need to go," she murmured in my ear. I turned to go, but at the same time, the girl in the sequinned dress turned. It was Bella. I glanced at Alice – she had that glazed look on her face that meant she was having a vision – I ignored her thoughts and leant over the railings again. It was definitely Bella. There was no doubt about it.

Just like that, I knew I was going to talk to her. Alice had finished her vision, whatever it was, and was now following me down the stairs, moving as fast as I could without seeming inhuman. When I reached the edge of the dance floor, I realised she had gone.

A voice came from behind me. "Edward?" I turned.

"Bella?"

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REVIEW. REVIEW. REVIEW.

It's good karma.


	11. Chapter 11

Hello lovely readers. So sorry I have been away for so long. It's been a hectic time for me and its not about to slow down. But somehow, I have managed to finish writing this chapter.  
An advance warning: this story may be put on temporary hiatus while I lay the foundations for my new story. It's still Twilight, but there's a circus theme, inspired by Britney Spears' tour (I went to see her - WOW). It won't be a fluff, it will be serious, but I've got to finish the plot.

Anyway, read and REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!

Love, Queen of the Superficial xxxx

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I couldn't believe what Jacob was telling me. It did make sense, but still – he was a _werewolf_. He knew about vampires – clearly – he spat the word out in disgust when he told me what had happened with Laurent. Both of us knew better than to mention the Cullens.

What kind of a place was Forks anyway? A place where mythical creatures wandered around as though it was perfectly natural. What was going to come next? Mermaids?

We were sitting at the edge of the woods, by the side of a dirt track road, sipping the cans of soda that we'd bought from the only shop in La Push. Jacob was behaving really weirdly; he kept looking over his shoulder, into the woods, like he thought we were being watched or something. But other than that, it seemed like it was going to be another normal day during a school break, especially after what had happened yesterday. But, no, my life seemed destined to be as abnormal as possible.

"So let me get this straight," I said, rotating the can slowly in my hands, enjoying the feeling of the cool metal against my palms "You killed Laurent?" We'd covered all the werewolf basics now – I didn't mind that Jake was a werewolf – as long as he didn't get too close to me – it was ridiculously warm for Forks today (there really was something wrong with the weather) and Jacob now ran a temperature of something ludicrous like 105 degrees.

"Yeah, we did. Are you okay about that?" he ducked his head, trying to make me look at him, but I'd made my hair into a curtain between us and I looked straight ahead, at the way the sunlight turned green as it filtered through the green of the trees. I'd barely made eye contact with him. I was embarrassed about my behaviour over the last two days.

"Yeah. I'm glad you did" I sipped my drink again, still looking straight ahead.

"Bella? Is there something wrong?" Jake pushed my hair back over my shoulder in a gesture that reminded me of Edward. I had been thinking about him a lot ever since I saw Laurent and it hurt. There was this constant nagging feeling in my chest and on the backs of my heels that could only be got rid of by drinking copious amounts of alcohol.

"I'm fine," I lied.

"No, you're not," Jake said "You haven't looked at me once since we left the house. What's up? C'mon, Bella you know that you can tell me,"

"I can't," I was so embarrassed – I'd kissed him, pushed him away, and then let him see me at my most vulnerable. No-one, not even Edward had seen me like that - with my guard completely down. If Edward had been around last night, I was sure he'd be able to read my thoughts. Jacob's constant questioning of whether or not I was okay was beginning to get annoying.

"Bella? Are you okay? What's wrong?" I realised my breath was coming in short gasps and my arms were wrapped around my torso.

"I'm fine," I said again.

"Bella! You're not fine! Stop lying to me and tell me the truth!"

"I don't want to talk about it, Jake, okay? I'm _fine_!" I pushed off the grass and started walking down the track.

"Bella, no, no, no, Bella, wait! Come back!" Jake caught up with me quickly. "Don't go. Please Bella. Stay, talk to me,"

"Jake!" I span around to look at him – our faces inches apart - he was bending down and I was looking up "I don't want to talk! Just leave me alone," I practically spat out the last part. I turned and walked away from him.

He didn't follow me. I drove home and to take my mind off everything, I did some revision for my finals.

I spent the next week driving between school and home, doing my finals and then revising for my finals. Jacob didn't call and I didn't call him. I was still angry. I had stopped having the same waking nightmare, I just dreamt about those two days. Nothing was coherent, just little flashes of things, like Jacob's face as he looked over his shoulder and the sight of the meadow.

I was tacking the photos from graduation up on my wall when Angela arrived, lugging her suitcase with her. We were going to a club in Portland with the rest of our class to celebrate graduation and staying in a hotel overnight, as no-one wanted to try and get back to Forks inebriated.

"You had such a nice dress," Angela said, pointing at the picture of her and I that I had just stuck up on my wall, next to all the beautiful girls. Some of them weren't so perfect now – their edges were ripping and the ink had faded. They looked like ghosts of girls, like I was. I was the ghost of my former self. I'd realised this over the past few days, and it made me sad.

"Thanks," I loved that dress. It was a pale blue with an asymmetrical shoulder and prom skirt and it had really stood out against the black that everyone else had been wearing, although it did clash slightly with our bright yellow graduation robes.

A few hours later, we were queuing at the entrance to the club, all dressed up with our graduation caps perched on our heads (I was planning to ditch mine as soon as possible, but I was humouring Jessica, who had planned this whole venture and who I was trying to be nicer to).

When we finally got in, the club was very impressive, especially to the Forks High School graduates – the most impressive place we had to go for our nights out was the diner about 10 miles down the highway. This place was huge – it was about six stories high, each floor with a different theme.

Everyone made a beeline for the bar on the forth floor, where it was Happy Hour all night. I'd spent so much money on my dresses for graduation and tonight that I didn't have that much money left for drinks and a cab back to the hotel - only $50 for the whole night. So I downed a shot and bought a lurid green cocktail. I was pleased with my dress though. It stood out amongst the ones my female peers were wearing, but it blended in with the club. The dress was sequinned and backless, but it had a high neck and long sleeves, so it was decent in that sense, unlike Lauren's, whose red dress left very little to the imagination. I could dance in it easily too, without having to worry about flashing my underwear at strangers.

It wasn't until about 11 that we made our way down to the main dance floor, where the DJ had finally given up playing drum and bass and had settled for playing current chart hits.

Although several boys pulled the "hands on waist" trick with me, I brushed them off, leading to them making comments like 'prick tease', but I didn't care – I hadn't had this much fun in ages. Holding our drinks aloft, Angela and I swayed along with the crowd, singing along at the top of our voices. I really was enjoying myself.

As couples paired off, I began to get that familiar feeling of loneliness and abandonment, ironic in a huge crowd of people. As Angela and Ben began a slow dance to a fast song, something only people in love really do, I was suddenly very self-conscious, so I pushed my way through the crowds, sad to be missing Lady Gaga but I need to get away – I felt like I was going to throw up.

That was when I saw him. _Edward. _It was like my heart had swelled up and healed it self and repaired all the broken shards; I felt whole again. He was still as perfect as ever. His face was in profile and he wasn't looking in my direction – he was looking at the crowds of people jumping around to Just Dance. The people standing between us moved and he walked closer to me, still looking into the crowd – for one of his distractions perhaps?

"Edward?" I said it without meaning it. I couldn't help it. I just slipped out. I was so happy to see him; I hadn't realised how much of me had been missing.

"Bella?" He looked shocked to see me, but not disappointed. _No, not disappointed_, my newly-repaired heart thought, _maybe he still loves me_. _No_, my mind thought, _that's too much to hope for_. My thoughts were cut off as he spoke – we had been staring at each other wordlessly, not moving.

"Bella, what are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question," Where did that answer come from?

"Alice dragged me here," he said. He scratched the back of his neck in a way that I recognised from when he felt uncomfortable – was that how he felt? – But I was distracted by his shirt riding up and revealing his boxers and the top of his jeans.

"You still haven't answered my question," he added when I stayed mute.

"It's graduation night. I'm a high school graduate now," I tried to smile at him, but it felt like I was just baring my teeth instead.

"Can we go for a walk?" He asked, his eyes staring into mine. How could I say no? I nodded dumbly. For a second, he reached out as though he was going to wrap his arm around my waist. But I must have been mistaken and he left it hanging by his side.

We walked out of the club and along the road, where cars zoomed past us. It was a warm night, and it wasn't cold, but I shivered anyway.

"Bella? Are you cold? Do you need a jacket or something?" Edward stopped walking, and I stopped as well.

"No, I'm not cold, I just shivered. I don't know why," I shrugged and we kept walking. We walked for quite a while, ending up in a park, on a bench by a river. It was quiet, with only the water rushing past for noise. I stared at the reflection of the half moon in the water, waiting for Edward to speak. I wouldn't speak first.

"Bella," he said, his silky voice cutting through the night air "I need….I…I just wanted to….." he shook his head "I'm sorry,"

"For what?" I genuinely didn't know.

"Lying to you," Oh. He came to apologise for leading me on.

"You don't have to," I didn't want to be here if that was what he was going to say "I'll go," I stood up.

Don't worry about it, its fine, I'm much better now," Why did I say that? _I'm much better now? _He had probably heard about my brief fortnight of crazy - Alice had probably told him.

"Don't go," He wrapped his fingers around my wrist "I wanted to apologise…for leaving you…for what I said. Bella, I don't know what place you're in now, but I want you to know. I lied to you, Bella. I didn't mean those things that I said to you. I just want you to know that," He was silent for a minute. My brain tried to process the information, but couldn't. Edward lied?

"I love you, Isabella Swan," He said "Just to be clear," He grinned. I took his face in my hands, and kissed him. He kissed me back.

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This is the link to Bella's graduation dress: . and here is here graduation night dress: .

PLEASE REVIEW


	12. Chapter 12

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I am soooo sorry I have updated in so long. I thought I would be able to finish this once my exams were over and I had more free time, but that was not to be. I have been so much busier and I have no free time at all. But I do have a nice tan thanks to the AMAZING (if highly unusual) British weather.  
Please review! I would really appreciate it. I am working on my new story and I'll let you know when the first chapter is up, but for now, enjoy.  
Lots of love, The Queen Of The Superficial  
P.S. I saw Take That and they were much better than Britney.  
P.P.S. My pen name is changing soon and I'll keep you updated about that.

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We sat in the park for a while longer. I ended up sitting on Edward's lap, curled around him; my face nestled into his neck, inhaling his delicious smell. Just smelling him made me feel whole again. His hand, which had been gently rubbing my shoulder, moved up to my neck and my hair.

"If you don't mind me asking," Edward murmured, his breath brushing my cheek "Why did you cut your hair?" He ran his hand over my hair, kissing my forehead as he did so.

I wasn't sure how to tell him so I stayed quiet – I just nestled further into his neck. "It's not that I don't like it," he said, mistaking my silence for hurt rather than indecision "I was just wondering about the change,"

I sighed. "I changed it because, of, umm, you, actually," I decided honesty was the best policy.

"Because of me," It wasn't a question – it was a statement. He sounded pained.

"Yeah," I was trying to be casual and relaxed about it, so I kept my voice light. I was so happy to see him and I didn't want things that had happened in the past to spoil that. He had said he loved me, but he said that last time. I didn't know whether or not he was going to leave again, but I was going to use all the time I had with him to the fullest. I didn't want to talk the past nine months.

"Is that all you're going to say?" He looked into my eyes and I nearly melted. Nearly, but not quite – I was stronger than that now.

"For now," I said and kissed him again in an attempt to distract him.

The distraction worked. Either that or he decided to wait and ask me about it later – the topic of my hair wasn't brought up again that evening. We talked about his family. Alice was here with him, although she'd gone back to their hotel (they were staying at the Plaza – I was staying at a ten dollars per night motel). She spent most of her time with Jasper in New York – neither of them had lived there before and they were really enjoying it. Rosalie and Emmett were living in Chicago and Esme and Carlisle were living in New Hampshire. The whole family had separated – it was terrible. Just like I was broken, they were as well. Edward did reassure me that they saw each other regularly. When I asked him where he was living, he gave the non-committal answer "here and there," which I decided to interpret as him travelling between the homes of the other Cullens.

We sat there for a while longer until the phone in my clutch rang, making me jump – it seem so loud in the darkness. The phone was Angela's – she'd put it in my bag so she wouldn't lose it and I'd forgotten it was in there when I went off with Edward. Ben's number was flashing on the screen when I pulled it out I glanced at the phone, then at Edward. "Answer it," he suggested

"Hey Ben" I said, wanting to get him off the phone quickly so I could have more time with Edward "It's Bella. I don't know where Angela is-"

"Bella?!" Angela was the one calling "Where are you? I've been looking for you for ages! The club's been shut for an hour! Where have you gone? Everyone's been so worried!" I suddenly felt really guilty. I'd been so wrapped in Edward and see him again and being with him that I'd forgotten about everyone and everything else. I glanced at Edward again. He was smiling, my favourite crooked smile, and his eyes were twinkling. He had clearly heard our whole conversation.

"I, ummm, went for a walk?" I could hear the question in my voice. Edward chuckled.

"You went for a walk?"

"Yeah,"

"At one o'clock in the morning, by yourself?" I was stuck. "Help me," I mouthed at Edward. "Tell her you're on your way back now," He whispered

"I'm on my way back now. See you soon," I hung up on her quickly, and then turned the phone off. It was then that I really understood Edward's words. I'd go back to the hotel and he'd disappear again. Well, if that was the way it was going to be, then I would be the one to leave him. I put the phone back in the bag, snapped it shut and pushed up off the bench.

"Well, see you round," I said, turning around and walking away so I wouldn't have to see his face.

"'See you round'?" He quoted "What do you mean Bella?" He grabbed my wrist and stopped me in my tracks. I turned round.

"Exactly that. This time, when we separate, I don't want to be left in the dark,"

"We're separating?" He looked hurt. I didn't understand.

"Well, that's what you meant, isn't it? When you told me to tell Angela that I'd be back soon, you meant that I'd be back at the hotel and you'd be gone, and I'd be all alone because everyone's going to college except me and Jake's not talking to me and you won't be there and…and… and…" And I ran out of steam. Edward pulled me into his arms.

"Bella, I'm not going anywhere without you - ever again. These last nine months have been torture for me," He looked into my eyes. I looked away. "Bella, I love you. Truly. What I did to you was unforgivable, but I'll always be here, if you want me to be,"

"I do want you, I do," I whispered into his ear as I wrapped my arms around his neck so that I could kiss him again. Edward ran to the motel, with me on his back. I hadn't forgotten his running and I loved it. We ran silently through the empty streets, until we were a block away, where he stopped and helped me down. We walked to the door.

"Are you going to come in?" I asked, holding up my key, grinning at him.

"If you want me to," He said.

"I do," I opened the doo, revealing the worst room in the history of motels. The carpet, walls, wardrobes and bed were all covered in the same strange floral print and it smelt disgusting. There also was no bathroom, but I shared one with the room next to mine, which was Angela's, so it wasn't so bad.

As there was nowhere else to sit, I sat on the bed, and set about removing my shoes. They were cage heels, which meant that my feet wouldn't fall out of them when I was walking and dancing, but they were very difficult to get off. Soon, Edward's cool hands were around mine as he deftly unbuckled, unzipped and unlaced first the left shoe and then the right. He said nothing as he handed them to me, but I threw them on the floor and kissed him. He kissed me back, but these kisses were different to any of the other ones that he'd ever given me. They were more passionate and I pulled him closer. He didn't object, and we fell back onto the bed. His hands moved away from his usual safety zones. I was unbuttoning his shirt and running my hands over his well defined chest when the door opened.

"Bella?"

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Who has walked in on Edward and Bella? Guesses (and REVIEWS) please! xoxo


	13. Chapter 13

Another chapter! Wooo! Although, I am slightly in shock that I got one up so first. It's a long one, so I hope you enjoy it. And PLEASE - WRITE A REVIEW!

Love, the Queen of the Superficial xxxxxxxxx

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I sat up, pulled the hem of my dress down and pushed my sleeves back up on my shoulders so that I was decent again. Edward stayed lying down. Jake stood in the doorway – I could literally see him shaking. I think Jacob mentioned something about being angry making his shake and then phase.

I smiled at him, hoping it would calm him down. I could explain the situation to him; he would understand – I was sure of it – he was my best friend. At the same time, I groped around on the bed behind me for Edward's hand because it made me feel safer.

"Hi, Jake," Edward's hand found mine and he sat up.

"Bella, I-" that was all he said because suddenly Jacob was there anymore. A huge wolf stood in his place. He leapt at Edward. It happened so fast. Edward leapt right back. The two of them were locked in a strange fight – it was terrifying – Jacob was on his back legs, with his paws on Edward's shoulder's, snapping at his neck – Edward was fighting back.

They were moving so fast it was a blur – they stayed in the same position but their limbs moved so fast they were a blur. Suddenly, Edward shoved Jake back – he hit the end table in the middle of the room, which snapped, pieces flying everywhere. I shrank back to the wall, watching in horror. I cared about both of them, loved them both, but in very different ways. Jake was my brother, my best friend, the person I could tell anything to. Edward was my soul mate, my forever, my one true love.

As Jake fell to the floor, one of his paws caught Edward's leg. He hit the wardrobe – I was surprised people hadn't come to find out what was going – the snarls from both Edward and Jake were getting pretty loud and the fact that they were breaking the furniture didn't help. Edward snatched a door off the front of the wardrobe and threw it at Jake. He reared up onto his back legs, and shoved it away with one of his front paws. It hit me. That's the last thing I remember.

Pain. Intense pain. Pain that rushed through me like fire. That's what I remember next. I screamed a lot and I think Edward was there. I can't be sure. It felt like I was under water. Drowning in boiling hot water.

I wasn't sure how long it was before I realised what was happening to me. What I was becoming. Edward had finally changed me, made the decision I'd begged him to make for months before….before…..before what? What was before? I was forgetting my human past. Alice had told me that was what happened when the change took place. I lost my thought process then as the fire raced through me once again.

Eventually, Edward's voice penetrated my consciousness "Carlisle, I'm worried, it's been over four days now – it's taking too long!"

"She will be awake soon, Edward. Alice has assured us. Where is she by the way?"

"I don't know. Getting everything ready probably," Getting what ready? I tried to move my mouth to ask, but no sound came out. I began to test my limbs seeing what I could move. The answer was none, not even my eyelids, which scared me a little. I got down to my toes.

"Carlisle! Look!"

"What, Edward?"

"One of her toes just moved! I'm sure of it!" His voice came nearer "Bella, love, can you hear me? You just moved one of your toes, please, try again, please, for me?" I focused on moving my toes.

"Yes, Bella! You did it!" His hand squeezed mine. It didn't feel cold anymore, it was warm, nice. Carefully, I squeezed it back.

"Bella! I felt that!" I opened my eyes. It was easy now. Edward's beautiful face was the first thing I saw. My human eyes have never done it justice. Everything about it was perfect, flawless. His golden eyes literally sparkled.

"Bella," he breathed. I sat up, slowly testing my body – I wasn't ready for any sudden movements. Turns out, my new body didn't do slowly – I went from lying down to standing in about 30 milliseconds. Then I wrapped my arms around Edward's neck.

"I love you," I said

"I love you too, Bella," he said, then gently released my arms from his neck "But you are quite strong now, and that does hurt," He smiled at me.

"Oops," I said "Sorry,"

"Hey Bella," A voice behind me said.

"Alice!" I squealed "I've missed you so much!" We jumped around and hugged each – I held back slightly so as not to hurt her. When I stepped back, I could see all the Cullens standing there watching me. Finally, I turned to Edward, who smiled at me again and finally, he kissed me. I kissed him back until I remembered we had company.

We hunted as a family. I surprised everyone by going straight for the animals, and ignoring the humans. As we sat in Carlisle and Esme's sitting room, the atmosphere changed from celebratory to something else – nervousness and anxiety, I think, but then again, I might have been imagining it. Then I remembered something, or more importantly, someone.

"Jake," I said, "What happened to Jake? What happened after….after….what exactly happened?"

I was lying against Edward, enjoying the closeness. "Tell me," I said, looking at him.

"Well, you remember the fight, I take it," I could feel his family paying attention.

"Yeah. The last thing I remember is seeing the wardrobe door fly at me,"

"Yes, well. That ended our fight immediately. Jacob ran out of the door, still as a wolf. The door hit you with its hinges, which caused cuts to your head and body but because the force was so great, the cuts were so deep that they damaged your organs. The force also broke several of your bones. Alice was there – she saw what happened to you, but not until after it happened, which is strange. I wonder why that is," Realising he had become side tracked; he smiled at me – my favourite crooked smile before continuing.

"Together we ran you back to Carlisle and Esme, as they were staying with friends not far from the town. It…it…was…." He stopped there and I realised that if he could cry, he would be.

Alice took over the story "It was pretty clear that you needed to be changed, otherwise you'd die. Edward waited until we were with Carlisle but he knew what he had to do. And he did it," Alice grinned at her brother and then wrapped Jasper's arm around her before continuing.

"Then, when you were ready to be moved, we drove you here – it wasn't more than a few hours' drive. It took nearly four days to change you, we think because your body was so damaged,"

No-one had told me what I wanted to know "Where's Jake?" I demanded. "I want to know where he is,"

Edward answered "We don't know for sure, but Bella, there's something you should know," Suddenly, I became hyper-aware of the tension that I had felt earlier. Emmett switched on the TV. It was switched to a news channel, just as the evening news was beginning. The rolling news read: MISSING TEEN FEARED DEAD

Everyone watched in silence. I wasn't sure what was going on , so I stayed quiet too. The newscaster began the headlines.

_Police are still searching tonight for missing teen Bella Swan-_

"That's me!" I yelled.

_Bella disappeared five days ago. She had been celebrating her graduation with friends at the Chill nightclub. Bella's friends realised she was not in the club at 1am as they were getting ready to leave. A friend called her and she answered the phone, saying that she had gone for a walk. It is believed that Bella arrived home, although none of her friends saw her. When her friends went to see if she had arrived back at their motel at about 3am, they found the room destroyed, covered in blood. Police reports suggest that the hairs of an animal were found in the room, leaving detectives to believe that Bella is the victim of animal attack. _

As the story was told, images of me flashed up. There was an overhead shot from a helicopter of the motel. A clip of Angela crying. As the report finished, there was a shot of my parents, standing outside the motel foyer, making a statement. I began to cry. Well, I cried but no tears came out. Edward wrapped his arms around me and rocked me back and forth. My whole life was gone. I had forgotten this part of vampirism. I would never see my family, friends, or Jacob again.

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I know, I know, I glossed over Bella's change a bit but we've all read Breaking Dawn so we know waht happens.

Pleeeeease write a REVIEW! xxxxxx


	14. Chapter 14

I'm so sorry this has taken so long to update - it was the end of term last week and it was hectic. Anyway, here's another chapter. Also, check out my NEW story, Circus. Just click on my username and you'll find it there....  
PLEASE write a review, xoxo Queen of the Superficial.

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When Bella stormed off, I didn't follow her. I thought I should just let her simmer, until she was ready to call me. I wouldn't call her. Her behaviour had been really strange though – she had barely looked at me the whole time. I would have said that maybe it was the whole werewolf thing – but she had taken it so calmly and then again, she had spent six months dating a vamp.

Despite my plan, I sat by the phone for the whole afternoon, waiting for Bella to call, just in case she did, until Embry came and dragged me out of the house, talking about a beach bonfire. We stopped off at the shop, which was when I saw her.

She was dressed in a white t-shirt and denim shorts with rubber flip-flops that you can get from stores for $3 and had long red hair that fell to the middle of her back. Her skin was pale white and dotted with freckles. Nothing mattered anymore. Not Quil babbling on about what drinks and snacks we should get. Not my school work and certainly not Bella. Nothing mattered anymore, except her. At this point, I didn't know her name. All I knew was that I loved her. I'd imprinted. There was a strange rushing in my ears as I stepped toward her.

"Jake?" Quil said. I ignored him.

As I got closer to her, I realised she was taller than I'd thought – about 5"6. She was trying to pull a big crate of cans off the bottom shelf, but was struggling.

"Do you need any help?" I asked. She put the box and down and turned to face me. Her face was very symmetrical, with big blue eyes that were framed by thick eyelashes that were black with mascara on top and a pale gingery blonde. Her freckles covered her whole face - they were even on her eyelids.

"Yeah. That would be great," she said "It's heavier than it looks" I leant past her, brushing against her leg as I grabbed the crate. Her skin was soft, and smooth "I'm Jake, by the way," I added heading for the cash desk.

"I'm Allegra," she smiled and pushed a couple of strands of the long red hair behind her ear. As we reached the cash desk and Quil's mom rang up the crate and some sweets and a can of soda, Allegra scratched her ear in an awkward sort of way "I don't suppose you could help me carry this back to my house?" she asked, looking embarrassed.

"That's fine. I haven't got anything else to do,"

"Are you sure?" she asked "Your friend looks kinda cross,"

"Oh don't worry about Quil," I said "He'll get over it," We walked out of the store, me carrying the crate, Allegra ripping the bag of sweets open with her perfect little white teeth.

"Want one?" She asked, holding out the packet

"I'd love one," I said "but I don't really have enough hands," I gestured to the crate. Not saying I didn't have enough hands wasn't true – when testing my new found werewolf strength I found that I could lift almost anything – I could have carried the crate with one finger – but I didn't want to scare Allegra off.

"Open wide then," she said, holding out the sweet. I did as she said. When I'd finished chewing, my curiosity overcame me "So what brings you to La Push?"

"My parents divorced last month,"

"I'm sorry," I said

"Don't be. They married young and had kids before they were ready," she said in a hard voice "The divorce was coming for a while, to be honest," We walked along the road in silence. I didn't know what to say – no-one's parents around here divorced here really. My mom died, but that was different.

"It's good in a way," Allegra said suddenly "My mom and dad are much happier now and mom can do what she's always dreamed,"

"What's that?"

"Studying Native American culture – she's a professor, so she's taking a sabbatical and writing a book before we move here permanently. Looks like I'm gonna be here for at least six months," She looked around her. "What is there to do here?"

"Hang out on the beach or in the woods. Cliff dive. Lots of outdoorsy stuff" She wrinkled her nose "That's what I thought,"

"Where did you live before you arrived in beautiful La Push?" I joked, lifting one arm off the crate and stretching it out towards the trees. She told me about the town she lived in before. It was very different to La Push – it was always busy and there was always something to do.

"Ah," That was all I could think to say. La Push didn't really measure up.

"Yeah,"

"Just a little bit more exciting then," I smiled at her.

"You could say that," Allegra smiled at me and turned up a rough track. We walked a little way until a clapboard house with a porch came into view.

"Home sweet home," she said "I think I can manage from here," She held her hands out for the crate.

"You sure?"

"Uh huh," I passed it to her and she staggered under its weight. I grabbed it back from her.

"Let me at least carry it to the porch," I said, trying to be gentlemanly.

"Okay, but on one condition," Allegra raised her eyebrow.

"Sure. Anything," I said it without really thinking. I'd do anything she asked me to.

"You've got to show me _all_ of the exciting things there are to do in La Push," "I think I can agree to that,"

"Good. Then you can take the crate into the kitchen for me,"

She led the way up the steps to the porch, which was covered with boxes. After shoving the screen door a couple of times and then kicking it, she finally got it open.

"Allegra!" A voice called out "Please be gentler with the door dear, we've only been here a few hours,"

"Whatever Mom," she replied, walking down the narrow hallway and gesturing for me to follow "I've got the food, which is the most important thing,"

"Oh, good. I thought that poor dog was going to die of starvation,"

"Err, well it's not my fault you forgot his food," We reached the kitchen. Allegra's mom looked up from the box she was unpacking and saw me "Who's this? You're not employing people to carry things for you again are you Allegra?"

"No, not this time. Jake offered to carry Bill's food back for me,"

"Well, that's very kind of you, Jacob. I'm Gemma by the way,"

"It's nice to meet you," I said, grateful that Dad had educated me in the ethics of meeting the parents "Where do you want me to put this," I held the crate out a bit.

"Just on the island counter over there," Gemma gestured at the counter with a carving knife. I nodded and put the crate on the counter that was already packed with boxes.

"Allegra, why don't you go for a walk? All of your stuff is unpacked so you're free to go – unless you want to help me unpack the kitchen stuff," Gemma waved the knife around again.

"Come on then, Jake," Allegra said "You can show me all the exciting things there are to do around here," As we walked down the porch steps, she slipped her hand into mine.

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"Let's pull in at the next motel," Allegra suggested. The rain was pouring down and the Rabbit's engine was whining "The Bunny doesn't sound good," She patted the dashboard, which was filled with sweet packets and empty drinks cartons. We were doing a road trip back to where she used to live, so that she could see some of her friends and pick up some clothes she'd left at their houses. I'd offered to drive her because, well, I'd do anything for her. I think she knew that, but I wasn't sure. She didn't know about the whole werewolf thing. Luckily, all the other wolves were very understanding and so I was released from a couple of patrol duties.

The motel was full of recent graduates – some of them looked familiar – I think they were Bella's friends from Forks. They didn't pay attention to me and I didn't pay attention to them. I was too wrapped up in Allegra. We spent most of the evening making out on one of the two double beds in the room. We were more than friends, I'd made it clear that I liked her, and Allegra was, well, being Allegra.

She was always happy and she made me laugh. She was confident and wasn't afraid of anything, except spiders. She was gorgeous and sexy and beautiful and intelligent and just…..amazing.

We stopped making out and watched the fuzzy TV for a while, until she fell asleep in my arms. She'd accepted the boiling temperature thing quite well so I hoped that she'd be just as accepting about the whole Jacob-is-a-werewolf thing. I watched her sleep, just happy to be with her. I'd been watching for a couple of hours when I heard a very familiar voice outside.

"Are you going to come in?" There was the sound of keys being shaken. _Bella_. I hadn't thought about her in a week. Any feelings I had for her were certainly gone now. At least, the voice sounded like Bella's.

Then there came the reply "If you want me to," The guy had a deep voice, it was smooth – the sort of voice that would be doing the voice-over in an advert for aftershave or cologne or something. I wasn't jealous that she was with another guy – just curious about whom he was, so I crept toward the window.

"I do," Bella said. I watched her lead him in by the hand and push the door shut, but not completely. As I leant on the window it opened slightly. The vamp scent hit my nostrils and had me shaking, full on proper shaking. I left the room quickly – I didn't want to hurt Allegra and I didn't want her to see me like this either – it might scare her. I didn't realise I was walking over to the door and pushing it open until I actually did it. I said her name without thinking – I was too angry – she was with a vampire! Did she know?!? Was she stupid?!? He could kill her – but then again – she'd been with a _Cullen_. I realised I'd spoken and so had she. She sat up and rearranged her dress so she looked decent. It didn't work. Lying on the bed with the vamp, she looked like someone I didn't know at all. Her was sticking up and her lips were swollen, like Allegra's got when we'd been kissing for a while. It made me angrier. Then she said it "Hi, Jake," as if nothing was wrong. I started to apologise for being mean to her and not calling her this week - then _he _sat up.

I phased – I couldn't help it – one minute I was human Jacob – next my perspective was all off and my peripheral vision was much wider. I could smell Bella's fear. The Cullen didn't move as fast as the one we had got in the meadow – I put my hands on his shoulders and tried to bite at his neck – an instinctive technique. This bloodsucker was stronger than the other – he shoved me back into the middle of the table. Somewhere in the back of consciousness I was reminded that Bella was here but I was too focused on stopping the leech getting to Allegra.

I swiped at Cullen's leg, delighting as I heard the rip of his hard skin against my claws. Suddenly a door from the wardrobe was flying at me – I hit it with my paw, glad that it hadn't gone into my eyes, when I heard the scream. For just one second the vamp and stared at each other. Then he was at Bella's side.

"If you value your life, leave now," he said. I turned and ran, hiding behind a dumpster about a mile away. I returned as the sun rose, filled with guilt but my mind on Allegra. She hadn't woken up, so I washed quickly and dressed in fresh clothes. Then I lay down next to Allegra and closed my eyes. Two hours later, I awoke to screams "Oh my god! Bella!" Then just wailing. Allegra stirred next to me.

"What's going on?" She murmured. She stumbled out of bed, still in her t-shirt and panties and opened the door. I stayed on the bed, not sure if I wanted to see what was out there. Allegra stepped out into the summer sun, her hair catching the light.

I could see her through the window, and the other people who were coming out of the windows. She moved close to the girl who was screaming – it was my fault that she was screaming – and put her arms around her. She was so kind, so gentle, I couldn't believe I'd exposed her to this. She leant around the door to Bella's room, then pulled back. Suddenly she was running through the room, hand over her mouth.

When I went into the bathroom, she was there, throwing up in the toilet, tears streaming down her face. I pulled her close to me when she was done.

"Oh Jake," she sobbed "It's just so awful. That girl, she….she….her friend was staying in that room…..there's blood everywhere….it's just so…so awful," her breath caught in the throat and her tears soaked me shirt. I murmured words that would make it better until the policeman came to question us about where we were last night.

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	15. AUTHOR'S NOTE

**I really don't want to have to do this, but sadly I am writing this author's note to tell you that, from 3rd August, this story is on permanant hiatus. Several things have happened to me in the months I have been writing this story, and they have had a profound effect on the story I have been writing. It is no longer the story I began with and I know longer feel the need to write it any more. Whenever I try to, I get annoyed and frustrated and change the story without looking at my notes, which is why Jacob imprinted - he wasn't meant to imprint until later in the story.**

**I feel I should explain the deeper reasons though - in April, I was in a serious car crash. I was driving (I'm only a learner driver) and it has left me very shaken. It was only meant to be a short drive - I'd left my computer on, with one of the chapters of this story open. It was still there when I got back from the hospital three days later and writing it reminds me of the crash and I try to avoid any reminders. **

**I also lost a friend a few months ago who I love very much and that has also affected my perspective on Twilight, especially as it was one of our favourite things to obsess over together.**

**I am sorry to stop this story here, and feel free to PM if you want to know how I planned it was going to end.**

**I will try to keep going with Circus, as it holds a very different meaning for me, and is much less traumatic. **

**Once again I am very sorry and I hope this is a satisfactory explanation. **


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